Smooth Transitions
Secrets for smooth drop-offs and pick-ups.
Leaving your toddler at a new program can be very trying — for both of you. You want her to be comfortable and happy, but sometimes toddlers have a difficult time adjusting to folks who aren't their parents.
Here are some tips to help your little one make the transition and feel more comfortable in group care:
Make drop-off and pick-up time leisurely and kind. Calm, reassuring good-byes in the morning and a warm hug and kiss in the afternoon can be a great comfort. Try not to hurry through drop-off or pick-up time — toddlers don't like to be rushed! They'll stay calmer if you remain low-key and loving, so schedule ample time for relaxed transitions. Remember, your patience will gain your child's cooperation, not her defiance.
Bond with the teacher. Toddlers often follow a parent's lead, so it's important to show that you're comfortable with the caregiver. Try to hand your child over to the caregiver, rather than simply leaving her in the room. Expressing your trust in the caregiver in this way will make it easier for her and her caregivers to get along peacefully and comfortably.
Bring photos of your child doing favorite activities. Make a book of familiar scenes — such as your little one playing with a ball on the lawn or dancing in your arms. Your caregiver can share the pictures with your child whenever he feels upset or needs special reminders of Mom and Dad.
Let your toddler bring a favorite lovey. If your child has a special blanket or soft animal that seems to settle her down when she's upset, she may appreciate having it with her at child care. (Most infant and toddler programs allow loveys.) Once she's used to the new setting and feels comfortable, she may no longer need her lovey on a daily basis.
Have quiet time together when you get home. Snuggle with your child to give him some calming time after a long day apart. A ritual of sharing a favorite picture book can become a source of deep comfort for your child, as can listening to soothing lullabies and classical music. And, of course, be generous in providing lap time, hugs, and loving caresses.
Work with the teacher. Parents and teachers are partners in making life comfortable and happy for little ones. The biggest help you can give your child's teacher is to share information about his special needs, likes, and routines. Let her know what techniques seem to work for your child when he's fussy or upset. How does he like to be held? Does he prefer being rocked? Naptime routines are also important to share: Do you always sing lullabies or play special tapes of sleepy-time songs?
Also let the teacher know about your child's eating habits. If you use a bib while feeding your toddler, do you put the bib on before you put him in the feeding chair or after he's already seated? Little differences in childcare routines can sometimes bewilder a youngster. The more you share about how you comfort your child, the easier you'll make his transition.
When transitions are difficult, try these three tools.
• Your touch. Sometimes a crying child needs to be held closely to your body, her head resting on your shoulder as you firmly and lovingly support her back and sway from one foot to the other.• Your voice. Be sure your tone is low, calm, and unhurried. Screaming children get even more tense if they hear anxious, high-pitched tones!
• Your attention. Diagnose as quickly as you can what your toddler needs: A walk around the room in your arms? A quick cuddle before you leave? Remember, when it comes to your child, you're the expert!
Alice Sterling Honig, Ph.D., is a professor emerita of child development at Syracuse University. She is the author of Secure Relationships: Nurturing Infant-Toddler Attachments in Early Care Settings.
