Make Evenings Enjoyable
Simplify your homecoming and have more fun with your family.
Use these organizational strategies to reduce stress during the after-school/dinner/homework scramble.
It's been called the second shift: that action-packed period when school lets out, or — if you work outside the home — the official workday is over. While the rest of the family is changing gears, you are kicking it into high since you still have plenty of homework to do: driving carpool, supervising schoolwork, and feeding the troops, plus preparing for tomorrow.
"Moms today have no downtime. Whether we work full-time outside the home or we're home with the kids all day, when we walk through the front door we've still got miles to go," says Michele Borba, Ed.D, author of 21 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. "Unwind? Yeah, maybe ... but not 'til the kids go to bed and the dishes are put away."
Organization is the answer to reducing stress. First, take a critical look at how you spend your time in order to figure out where it's going and what's eating it up. Hint: going to the grocery store four times a week should signal a problem. Constantly searching for lost items — your son's baseball cleats, your car keys or important school papers — is not a sign of efficiency either. Then find a system of organization that works for you. Some moms carry a calendar in their handbags. Others scribble random lists. Technologically savvy types store information in handheld devices. Borba swears by her moleskin notebook ("It's far too time consuming to put notes in a Palm Pilot," she confesses.) The point is: Don't try to keep it all in your head.
And try these tips to help you reclaim those lost hours. Then you can slow down along with the rest of your family!
Keep Your Cool After School
Having your own in-box is an easy way to keep track of notes from teachers, papers requiring your signature, and other school-related stuff. You can use a basket, plastic container, or whatever else you have on hand. Train your children to empty out their backpacks as soon as they get home and put anything you need to see in that spot immediately.
Homework: To do or not to do right away? Some families believe in work before play, but psychologist Debbie Glasser, Ph.D., says some kids need a transition period before hitting the books. "If you're getting a lot of resistance about doing homework or your child just can't sit still, he may need a little fresh air and sunshine, first," she says. Glasser suggests using a timer to let kids know playtime is over. "Explain that when the timer sounds, the basketball goes back into the garage and homework gets started. Or set a timer for 15 minutes of homework first. Then allow your child to have some fun. It may take a little experimenting, but with persistence you'll eventually get into a routine."
When homework is completed, train your kids to put it in their backpacks right away. No more missing papers the next morning! If necessary, attach a sticky note to the backpack to remind your child not to leave home without key items like library books or musical instruments.
Carpooling: Prepack your car with items that will help you turn what Donna Goldberg calls void time into self-renewal time. (Void time is that period when you are stuck in the car waiting for a child to finish soccer practice or a flute lesson.) Listen to a book on tape, chat on the phone with a friend, read the paper, or catch up on tasks such as paying bills or making doctor's appointments. Stand beside the car and shape your biceps with a pair of dumbbells. Or build some cardio into your day with a jump rope.
If you're waiting with siblings, be prepared to quell hunger pangs with granola bars and bottled water. Have them work on homework or create a work of art with crayons and coloring books. Overall, streamline extracurricular activities to reduce waiting, driving, and stressing. If possible, limit children to two activities apiece and share transportation with other families whenever possible.
Ready, Set, Sunday
A little preparation on Sunday will help get you through the challenges of the week. Set aside a half hour or so to think about and plan the next seven days. Kathy Peel, professional organizer, author, and mother of three, recommends making the process a family affair. "Some families have conversations during Sunday breakfast or mini-meetings at dinner to discuss the who, what, when, and where of the week."
To facilitate group discussion, Goldberg, a former school librarian and author of The Organized Student, recommends keeping a family calendar in a central location. "Magnetic white boards are easy to use and can be put on the refrigerator," Goldberg says. "Write down social plans, school events, practices, and other obligations so everyone can see what's happening." Take some time to think about meals for the week too.
Goldberg also advocates making school-age children responsible for knowing their schedules. "Looking at the family calendar together on a regular basis helps them learn to think ahead and anticipate any requests for help," she explains. "So if Janey needs a gift for next Saturday's birthday party, mom has the notice she needs to find a gift."
Between school, kids, work, and extended family — not to mention your own interests and commitments — it's impossible to do every little thing that crowds your "to-do" list. Take a long, critical look at what you'd like to get done in a day. What can wait until tomorrow, next week, or not at all? Defining what's truly important will free you of the little "nonsense" chores you feel you should do but don't really need to get done. When in doubt, leave it out.
